Searching for the Sun

So you wake up and there is literally no sun to wake you and help you start your day. The pain and exhaustion of homesickness is felt in every cell of your body. You feel run down and tired. You feel lost, and empty, and alone. The festivities that surrounded Christmas are all gone and the novelty of the snow is wearing off and suddenly you miss home. You miss having something familiar to cling to.

You miss early morning runs at 05:00 on summer mornings; your feet hitting the tar, the fresh air in your chest, seeing the sun rise, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and the thrill of completing a long run, the sweat on your skin, the dull ache in your legs and that feeling of satisfaction of knowing that you beat the lazy bug and got up and did something worthwhile with your day.

You miss sitting in your garden listening to the birds, feeling the warm sun on your skin and the soft grass under your feet. You miss lazy summer days and having a braai with friends.

You miss seeing your favourite band playing at your favourite spot or having a cappuccino at your local coffee shop. You miss brunch with your best friends talking about politics, religion, philosophy and everything in between…

You miss visiting the cinema and watching some philosophical film that makes you question everything you know. You miss sharing your latest music finds with friends and family and debating what the best songs or movies of all time are.

You miss snuggling up to your loved one and watching your favourite show in the peace and quiet of your home…You miss the noise of the pipes and the leaking of the roof and the cats wreaking havoc in the yard and dragging their kills into the house to show you.

You miss going to your favourite hatha yoga class; quietening the mind, focusing on your breathing, feeling your muscles stretch and taking in the splendour of a quiet mind…

You miss Sunday evening blues, and French toast and Rooibos tea and laughing until it hurts…

You miss working for hours until your back and head hurts, but feeling more alive than you have in years. You miss talking to someone who gets you; who knows what makes you tick and who loves you for it.

You miss all these things and more. But for now they are part of a past life, a life that sometimes feels like a distant dream. I life that resembles a place you used to know that feels very, very far away right now. Perhaps you have to know the bitter before you can truly appreciate the sweet. Perhaps you have to know the immense pain of a broken heart to truly understand the heart that is filled to the brim with joy… Perhaps you have to feel this longing and this emptiness now so that you will remind yourself to indulge in every precious second spent on those things you long for most when you finally have them again…